To the Altar to Alter?

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Most ladies have attitudes that push men away, while some guys are so stuck in their own ways, unwilling to make changes that will make their relationship a better one. With this in play, most people make the mistake of thinking they can change their partner or something about their partner once they get married and they compromise their way to the altar. Newsflash: The wedding day is just the beginning of the rest of your lives together.

You will be surprised at the little things that lead to divorce between couples, from the way they use the toilet to the way the toothpaste tube is pressed. These are issues they failed to discuss about doing their courting days. If you are in a relationship, are you on the way to the altar to alter? Moreover, if you are not in one yet, are you about to get it on with that fine sista or brotha, even though you know, no amount of hard glue can make both of you agree on one thing? Do not ignore the signs; the choices you make today will affect your tomorrow. Amos 3:3 asks, “Can two walk together, unless they are agreed?” 

Communication is very vital in a relationship. Before you jump into marriage, get to know your partner to the extent you become best of friends. Whilst you are still unmarried, talk about the things that need changes, which if not dealt with, may cause problems later in future. There is nothing like getting married to your bestfriend, this way, communication will not be a task but something you do with ease. I always ask married couples this question – “So how is married life?” and from all the numerous answers, one keeps reoccuring over and over again – “Whatever you do, make sure you marry your friend.” When I ask, “why?” “Because soemtimes when the love is not there, it is the friendship that keeps you relationship standing.” Guys and girls! it is not everytime you feel the adreline pumping through your veins when you are married. It is the friendship between you guys that keeps the chemistry alive. 🙂

I believe if there are things you do not like in your relationship or would like to see, you must be able to voice and talk about it with your partner but apply wisdom when doing it.  This is very common with ladies, they open their mouth and the next thing that comes out can cause hurricane Katrina or an episode in Jerry Springer. Even the word of God says it is “better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and ill-tempered wife” (Proverbs 21:19). In all your getting, please get wisdom. You have to be careful the way you talk to your intended. I know we have a new breed of women out there, who call it ‘being in control’. Girlfriends, if you do not get rid of that attitude, the only thing you will be controlling is yourself because that sort of mindset can leave you single for the rest of your life. When problem arises, many atimes, it is not so much about the other person but it is how you respond to them. I only recently had to learn that myself, I guess we are all on a learning curve. The issue is, are you willing to change? Nuff said on that! 

People say, “Relationship can not be spiritualised”. I beg to differ on that notion, there is a thin line between practicality and spirituality in a relationship and the latter should not be completely ignored. If you know there are changes you believe need to be made in him/her, get down on your knees until you see that stuff taken care of. As you pray, ask God to give you insight about this person and to why he/she acts the way they do. With that understanding, you will be able to handle the situation better and know the right words to use when addressing the matter with him/her. Whilst you are doing that, ask God to show you what you need to change about yourself as well and how to become a better person. Most of the times ladies and gentlemen, we are part of the problem but we are too blind to see it.  You must understand that you both are imperfect people looking up to one perfect God as the source of all the expectations you want met in your relationship. 

You must ask the right questions and sort out issues that need sorting out before tying the knot. Does she want children? Is she concerned about what childbirth will do to her shape? How is his spiritual life? Does he believe in tithing like you do? Are you satisfied with the way he conducts the relationship? Can she cook? Is he romantic? Does he need to be arrested by the fashion police? Can he make decisions? How does he handle situations? Does she compromise her standards when no one is watching? Does he make you happy? Does she listen when you talk? Do you have anything in common? Does he make you laugh? Is he caring? Think about things that matters to you, if you are the sort that likes attention, does he give you the attention you need? Does he/she include you in their list of priorities?  These details might seem little now but may be the cause of future disagreements. Do not just sweep them under the carpet. Deal with them both in prayers and effective communication. Are you compromising your way to the altar to alter? Alternatively, are you willing to deal with the issue at hand to see whether a change can be effected?

Do not go into marriage expecting your partner to change. I only just got hold of this prayer – God, help us to change the things we cannot accept and accept the things we cannot change and the wisdom to know the difference.  

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8 Responses to To the Altar to Alter?

  1. Lekan says:

    This article is very good….

    I hope you don’t mind I’ll be back to take a few learning notes from your article….

  2. Ekwy says:

    Deola gurl, if I had to choose a favourite, it would definitely be this one.
    The insight really hit home. Why do we think we have the power to change anyone – tha power lies with God. The only power He has given us is to change ourselves – that is only when we can change others!
    Carry on the great work, my dear! Will sure visit often.

  3. Toks says:

    Hey gal, i like this article and i have to agree with you because most people do not communicate with one another when they are in a relationship maybe one person has the authority over the other person which leads to disagreements and all dat.Also, people rush into marriage without getting to know the other individual properly and when they think of marriage,all they think about its the “wedding day”,my dress,my shoes etc and not the aftermatch.
    Keep up with the work.I will definately be here everytime to read more articles.

  4. Akin.A says:

    Good insigths into marriages. I think all singles and married couple needs to read this article.

    Well done, keep up the good work.

    Akin.A

  5. Simi says:

    I agree with u. There are so many things that people count as being “trivial” before getting into marriage then they get married and find out… err..these things actually matter! I mean people get divorced for the most ridiculous reasons.
    That can be avoided if we just take the time to iron out necessary issues. COMMUNICATION is key!

    God bless u Deola

  6. Vivian says:

    Girl,,

    All i can say is keep it up..

    God is gonna use u mightily to impart people through ur writing.. I love this article and i believe people ought to be aware so they r not trying to change people..

    God bless
    Vivian

  7. Wonuola says:

    i have always loved this article, hence the reason i keep coming back to it!!! Such a great reference…..Ur so special!! xx

  8. Really nice site you have here. I’ve been reading for a while but this post made me want to say 2 thumbs up. Keep up the great work

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