On the last post – “How far is too far?” I promise to give answers to some of the pressing questions we ask in singles gatherings. I say ‘we’ because I want to know as well. As I said last week, It is almost impossible for you not to hear the above question in any singles’ gathering. This could mean different things to different people but in singles’ language, it means, “Where can I draw the borderline in staying sexually pure in my relationship, can I at least kiss?”
I wrote an article about this same topic some months ago, most of you have probably seen it and in there I took out almost a page explaining the fear I had before putting the article down and how the holyspirit convicted me – “fear of what?” you might ask. Fear of becoming a hypocite. It will be easy for me to say premarital kissing is wrong because I am not dating as at yet, but what happens when someone I’m attracted to comes along? What happens when reality sets in? What happens if I try to resist it mentally and my flesh overpowers my will to do what is right? Will I still be preaching the same thing? I am being real!
I remember having a conversation with a friend after the publication of the article and he said to me, “Nice article, but you know you didn’t really give your opinion as to whether it was wrong or right. You sort of gave your point and left a disclaimer on it.” and I remembered we both laugh. I said to him, “Men – I’m still struggling to come to terms with that fact but I had to obey the Holyspirit because that was the message I was given to write about in that month. Who knows maybe someone needed to know at that time.”
I left a disclaimer on the article because I hadnt really gotten convicted. Well, at the time of the article, I thought I had but I realised recently I wasn’t. I am being honest! You see, it’s not so much the kissing that is wrong but the fact that it leads to other things (we will talk a little bit about this later). The truth is we know as christains, it is wrong but we are too weak to admit the truth and thereby satisfying our fleshly desires. Yes! You cant find anywhere in the bible, where it says you shouldn’t kiss. True, I agree with you 100% on that but there is also no scripture saying it is wrong to dump your bin in your neigbour’s car. You simply don’t do it because you know it is not right. You see, as believers we are meant to be different from the rest of the world.
The church is meant to create a standard that the world will follow. When I say church, some people are probably thinking about their various churches. You are the church, a church is not a building. Some people may never step into the fall walls of a church but you might be the only church they know – what message is your life preaching to them? While the scriptures might not explictely say ‘Do not kiss passionately’ but we know it says whoever looks on a woman to lust after her has commited adultery in his heart already, how much more when you now go beyond looking and start kissing. Hmmm…..are you getting my drift now?
I am assuming we all know the kind of kiss I’m talking about – It’s not the one you give your mum and dad. I’m talking about the kind of kiss that exists between a man and his wife, uhn hun! – The passionate, intimate kind of kiss. It is ignorant to think you can tell if you love a person from their kiss or not because in the first instance that is not what love is about. I am sorry, but whoever says that has a distorted view of what love is and how it should be expressed.
When you love and are attracted to someone, there is a tendency to want to express your FEELINGS PHYSICALLY and this is normal because we are created as sexual beings. But the bible tells us to learn to control our body. You can’t just say ok, I will read this article and stop kissing. No! It doesn’t work that way. You might abstain from it for a month even a year but will go back to it again unless you are grounded in the word. The reason why we dont get convicted is because we do not have enough word in us. Its not about head knowledge…it’s about knowing it in your heart. Don’t worry, I’m speaking to myself as well.
Passionate kissing is sexual in nature. That is why I said earlier; it’s not so much the kissing that is wrong but what comes with it – touching and the whole shenanigan. When you kiss, your body desires to do something more and wants to take things to the next level. Besides your hands are not exactly hanging in the air during this activity. Is it? 🙂 And I don’t think that is exactly glorifying God. Or what do you think?
But how do I fight this temptation? I do not understand why God would allow such feelings if I am not permitted to satisfy them outside the boundaries of marriage? First, I will like to say you are not alone on this because “No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you may be able to bear it.” This temptation is common to man as the scripture says, so no one is exempt. In addition, if the temptation comes that means you can handle it because He is faithful not to tempt you beyond what you cannot bear. You see, in times like this, no amount of tonguing (speaking in tongues) will solve the problem; the best thing to do is FLEE as the Bible warns. “Let him who thinks he stands take heed lest he falls.
“So how far can we go?” Scott Croft in his article, ‘Bible dating’ explained the fact that, “How far can we go?” is really the wrong question if you want to positively pursue godliness, what that question really asks is “How close to the line (sexual sin) can I get without crossing it?” The problem is that Scripture explicitly tells us not to try to “approach” the line at all, but to turn and run from it. (1st Corinthians 6:18)