How far can we go?


On the last post – “How far is too far?” I promise to give answers to some of the pressing questions we ask in singles gatherings. I say ‘we’ because I want to know as well. As I said last week, It is almost impossible for you not to hear the above question in any singles’ gathering. This could mean different things to different people but in singles’ language, it means, “Where can I draw the borderline in staying sexually pure in my relationship, can I at least kiss?” 

I wrote an article about this same topic some months ago, most of you have probably seen it and in there I took out almost a page explaining the fear I had before putting the article down and how the holyspirit convicted me – “fear of what?” you might ask. Fear of becoming a hypocite. It will be easy for me to say premarital kissing is wrong because I am not dating as at yet, but what happens when someone I’m attracted to comes along? What happens when reality sets in? What happens if I try to resist it mentally and my flesh overpowers my will to do what is right? Will I still be preaching the same thing? I am being real!

I remember having a conversation with a friend after the publication of the article and he said to me, “Nice article, but you know you didn’t really give your opinion as to whether it was wrong or right. You sort of gave your point and left a disclaimer on it.” and I remembered we both laugh. I said to him, “Men – I’m still struggling to come to terms with that fact but I had to obey the Holyspirit because that was the message I was given to write about in that month. Who knows maybe someone needed to know at that time.” 

 I left a disclaimer on the article because I hadnt really gotten convicted. Well, at the time of the article, I thought I had but I realised recently I wasn’t. I am being honest! You see, it’s not so much the kissing that is wrong but the fact that it leads to other things (we will talk a little bit about this later). The truth is we know as christains, it is wrong but we are too weak to admit the truth and thereby satisfying  our fleshly desires.  Yes! You cant find anywhere in the bible, where it says you shouldn’t kiss. True, I agree with you 100% on that but there is also no scripture saying it is wrong to dump your bin in your neigbour’s car. You simply don’t do it because you know it is not right. You see, as believers we are meant to be different from the rest of the world.

The church is meant to create a standard that the world will follow. When I say church, some people are probably thinking about their various churches. You are the church, a church is not a building. Some people may never step into the fall walls of a church but you might be the only church they know – what message is your life preaching to them? While the scriptures might not explictely say ‘Do not kiss passionately’ but we know it says whoever looks on a woman to lust after her has commited adultery in his heart already, how much more when you now go beyond looking and start kissing.  Hmmm…..are you getting my drift now? 

I am assuming we all know the kind of kiss I’m talking about – It’s not the one you give your mum and dad.  I’m talking about the kind of kiss that exists between a man and his wife, uhn hun! – The passionate, intimate kind of kiss. It is ignorant to think you can tell if you love a person from their kiss or not because in the first instance that is not what love is about. I am sorry, but whoever says that has a distorted view of what love is and how it should be expressed.

When you love and are attracted to someone, there is a tendency to want to express your FEELINGS PHYSICALLY and this is normal because we are created as sexual beings. But the bible tells us to learn to control our body. You can’t just say ok, I will read this article and stop kissing. No! It doesn’t work that way. You might abstain from it for a month even a year but will go back to it again unless you are grounded in the word. The reason why we dont get convicted is because we do not have enough word in us. Its not about head knowledge…it’s about knowing it in your heart. Don’t worry, I’m speaking to myself as well. 

Passionate kissing is sexual in nature. That is why I said earlier; it’s not so much the kissing that is wrong but what comes with it – touching and the whole shenanigan.  When you kiss, your body desires to do something more and wants to take things to the next level. Besides your hands are not exactly hanging in the air during this activity. Is it?  🙂 And I don’t think that is exactly glorifying God. Or what do you think?

But how do I fight this temptation? I do not understand why God would allow such feelings if I am not permitted to satisfy them outside the boundaries of marriage? First, I will like to say you are not alone on this because “No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you may be able to bear it.” This temptation is common to man as the scripture says, so no one is exempt. In addition, if the temptation comes that means you can handle it because He is faithful not to tempt you beyond what you cannot bear. You see, in times like this, no amount of tonguing (speaking in tongues) will solve the problem; the best thing to do is FLEE as the Bible warns. “Let him who thinks he stands take heed lest he falls.

“So how far can we go?” Scott Croft in his article, ‘Bible dating’ explained the fact that, “How far can we go?” is really the wrong question if you want to positively pursue godliness, what that question really asks is “How close to the line (sexual sin) can I get without crossing it?” The problem is that Scripture explicitly tells us not to try to “approach” the line at all, but to turn and run from it. (1st Corinthians 6:18)  

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14 Responses to How far can we go?

  1. Maria says:

    Deola love

    your work is definately the handy work of the most high God . yes i understand you when u say ” Fear of becoming a hypocite ” that is so true and this is what we christians need to pay 100% attention to. It is so easy to fall into the line of hypocrisy – yes it is and that is why we must be alert all the way . God loves us – yes and he cares about all his children -yes and he wants the best for us – always……BUT WE ALL NEED TO BE CAREFUL……..

    Now on the topic of Kissing before marriage – i understand , and i am with you 100%. In the past , i never believed it was wrong but now that i am married , i totally see the truth in it …..
    Gals, Guys … all christians out there … it is true that kissing is not to be before marriage ( dont get me wrong – i am not talking abt a peck) kissing leads to all sorts of things … from kissing to touching from touching to the real thing – sex and after that we feel we have sinned against God …. why not avoid it …..
    I slept with my husband before marriage and i regret it till now. eventhough he was the only guy i slept with but still it was wrong … Go with me guys to the book of ” 2 corinthians 5:20″ where paul says that we should be ambassadors for christ… how do we do that if we act like the world and do the things of the world .. so we must all try and live right

    If God turned back time guys – i would stay single for a long , long , long time and be for God – it is a joy to be single – it is a great joy and one thing that destroys the link between singles and God is sex . once we defile our bodies we automatically become unclean to him BUT…………………………
    our God is a merciful god .. he says .. if you confess your sins and repent .. i will forgive you .. so for those singles out there who have gone down the road of sex… please think abt this …
    believe me when i say – it is worth it waiting till marriage

    Peace be unto you all .. stay blessed ……

  2. awwww…thank you Maria for that comment. Its not easy speaking the honest truth especially when its about yourself. Thanks babes. Mwah!

  3. Simi says:

    I totally admire your honesty Maria!… Mehhn!! This issue is deep.

  4. Leonard says:

    Deola, This is a great work you are doing and I really appreciate the honesty and sincerity with which you approach the topics. Keep the Light shining, A city on the Hill cannot be hidden…………………………Bless U

  5. blezsin says:

    hey deola,
    am glad i came across this today, am amazed and glad, i realy do like it, i think we all (singles) need a lot of this nowadys, cos its amazing the rate at which you can hardly find a single lady dat has not failed in that line. forget about guys, i stongly doubt it that there is one guy out there that has not defiled himself….. (i stand to be corrected) i mean majority!!!

    speaking for the ladies, am still single hoping to get married someday, but indeed it is not easy to stay single, especially when you have a fiance that you are so into….even when you know what the word of God says, we always tend to shy away from it, including myself here…. even paul says that many times i find myself doing the contrary…. i believe many can identify with that, u know….. knowing the truth and allowing your flesh to overcome your spirit….. wel i have fallen so many times in that area(kissing), i can remember giving myself a rule sometime ago concerning kissing my fiance, mehn it lasted but for a while….
    am glad dere is a forum like this, i want to share with the ladies and the guys what made me so scared of “sex before marriage”…. the bible says our body is the temple of the God and whatsoever defiles or rather whosoever defiles it, the lord wil destroy, and you know what? i so much love my patner, that i would not want the lord to destroy him, so i had to stay away……(do you love yours?) my mum would say ” why tasting what you are still going to eat”. girls if you are still a virgin “challenge yourself” and stay like dat.. its jus a matter of time, and the wedding bells would ring…. but if you are not, i want you to know that God overlooks the time of ignorant, even if you were not ignorant about it….. am a living witness that GOD IS A MERCIFUL GOD…. all you need is to acknowledge and forsake them. take a look at the testimonies of people like “JUANITA BYNUM” “FUNKE NELSON ADETUBERU” “JOYCE MEYER” and so on… and mehnn you would be so glad you did….
    take care all. and all thanks to you Adeola Adelekun, God bless you real good….

    luv blezn

  6. bimbylads says:

    hey gurl! wonderful work here! well done. May God continue to inspire you to write wonderful things to singles out there.. take care
    Bimbo L

  7. Ada says:

    I love ur Blog…Do u attend House on the Rock?

  8. Thank u Ada. I attend Trinity Chapel. Thank you Bimbylads and blezsin for your comments.

  9. Jummy says:

    I just came across this page today and it is really inspiring to read from your point of view. I read Favoured Girl’s journey down the aisle too, and she talks about the same things, from her personal point of view. As christians we are faced with ideas that are so very different from the norm that it can be hard to stand out and say what you believe in. Keep up the good work. You are inspiring young ladies out there.

  10. Kalashnikov's grand daughter says:

    I understand all this, but what is the point in regret? If it’s done and swept away in God’s eyes, then whats the condemnation?

    Anyway madam adeola…you know who I am…loll..and I head ur readership..

  11. Maria says:

    thanks simi …..

  12. @Kalashnikov’s grand daughter aka Miss oduwole…..I am assuming you are referring to Maria’s comment – she was only telling her story…I am sure there are some things you have done in the past that you regret, it doesnt have to be sexual sin……and if you read till the end, she explained that God is merciful and all you have to do is ask for HIS forgiveness. 🙂

  13. Maria says:

    some people have no regrets in life and thats cool……

    But one must always remember that we fall and when we do … we must rise again
    now those of us that rise would look at our past and say – why ( what a wasted time ) but God says if you sin against me and repent ( i will forgive all your sins) he did not say some ….
    so we are totally forgiven…… but sometimes you wonder – what if i lived this way or what if my life was like this…. questions , questions , questions …
    thatz just life …… and that is what brings regret … but as christians we move on to higher grounds and forget the past ….
    Singles out there .. cherish your time now as singles ( get closer to God)
    this is not the time to start running after any single brother in the church (let me tell u something that does not help- when the time is right God would bring your man your way and you will know he is yours)
    itz difficult but believe me when i say that the Lord cant fail you if you get or become closer to him … instead he will pour down his blessings, favour and grace upon you

    so it is well …………have a great day readers…

    And Deola— keep up the good work and remember now that you have started this good work for God to aid singles and even the married ones like myself – you must always remember that the devil is waiting for you to drop ( so be alert and remain prayerful – be careful in your choices and always seek the Lord for direction before doing anything ) God bless
    love ya loads … Maria

  14. ebuka says:

    hi Deola,
    Actually a friend introduced me to this site,his name is paul(kabongo @ lagos).he said that i will marvell at the great things u r doing.and to my greatest amazement,it was a matter of fact.anyway i dont have much to write but to encourage u.u r doing a great job and i pray that God in His infinit mercy and kindness will continue to bless u and inspire u.u r going to be a blessing to ur generation.
    ur new follower
    ebuka nigeria

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