I am going to share my experiences with you over the next couple of days about various people’s opinion on this issue. I will give my opinion at the end of the series. Enjoy!
I was over at a friend’s house last week with a couple of other friends – we were like 7 in total, male and female. I always say, you can not have singles together in a place without discussing about ‘relationship talks’ – It is almost impossible. One way or the other, it just has to happen. Like this particular day, it wasn’t planned; we had just finished our normal home fellowship (we call it CARE) and decided to hang around for dinner. The plan was to leave there at 9:30 so I could go home early (I say this, because we never leave CARE until around 11:45pm…since, we all live close to one another), relax, pray from 11pm-12am to thank God for the following day – which was going to be my birthday. My, oh my! Did BN (For discretion sake, I am not going to use anyone’s real name) have to bring it up? Did she really have to start this tonight? I could hear her from the kitchen, “So what do you think the problem is? Why do you think singles are not hooking up?” she was asking AK.
Every bone in my body was screaming for release as I fastened my butts to the chair, “Deola, don’t even go there, you have to be home early to pray and pick up calls from family & friends who would want to wish you happy birthday.” I tried; I really did try 🙂…..I cant remember how my body got to the kitchen BUT I gave myself an ultimatum – whatever you do, make sure you are home for 11pm. It’s about 10 minutes drive from my house to theirs and getting home for the planned time would not be a problem. “Well I think because you ladies are focusing too much on vision….”AK was saying. It just had to happen, for those of you that know me, that black notepad in my bag had to come out. Question and answer time! I really wanted to know as well. “Why on earth do we have so many singles in the church and no one is hooking up with one another? Are people’s expectations too high?”
Oh! You should have been there, BN’s neck had gone to overdrive – “Listen to me, guys listen!” BN was trying to get everyone’s attention because we all had our own opinion and all wanted to be heard, “Guys, guys” she shouted –”Don’t get me wrong, I am already in a relationship but my dilemma for the single ladies is this – I have been in the church (she was not talking about a particular church – what she meant was, since she became saved) for 4 years now and not one guy has come up to talk to me (she used the word ‘toast’ actually). What is happening to the guys in church?” she asked. Immediately she said that, all the ladies there including me, sat up straight and thought “Oh my God! That is so true. This was something we were not aware of until our attention was brought to it” BN continued- “It will be a different matter, if I’m ugly. I am not and so is every other lady in church, the guys have simply lost their game.” Oh! FL continued from where BN stopped, “I was in church for 6yrs and my husband was the only guy that approached me.” FL got married like 2 yrs ago. I am not the one to talk much when singles are discussing – I listen, digest and take notes. I couldn’t help but agree with BN and FL. YO also agreed as we were the only females there. YO had some points to make as well, but I’ll mention them in series II.
At this point, the guys were laughing, “What do you have to say to that?” I asked them, BN interrupted, “Let’s stop scratching the surface and get down to the nitty gritty (BN was quite passionate about the issue, I must admit) – Do you blame a babe when she starts acting all weird when a guy is trying to chat her up? A babe hasn’t been approached for years and then maybe one guy in church finally finds the courage to talk to her and then she starts messing up. The girl is not to be blamed for not knowing how to respond because the familiar has become the unfamiliar.” At this point, we all busted out laughing including the guys. BN was right. Even the guys had to admit to the fact that it was easier for them to approach ladies when they were in the world.
I checked my time, it was 10pm…There was still time. I had to say something, “But you know, there are many factors to why singles are still single but I got a different insight tonight. Although I was laughing my head off, BN is so right…and the funny thing is I didn’t realise until she mentioned that fact.” Everyone had something to say at this point, it was now an issue of screaming on top of your lungs to be heard, that was not going to be a problem, I needed to make my point. I continued, “And until men decide to become men, this can really be a major problem. Let’s not lose wisdom by being too spiritual. God will not come down and help you approach a lady. I know, it may have been easier when you were in the world – maybe the influence of alcohol, as AO mentioned gave you a bit of confidence but now we have the Holy Spirit, infact that should put you on a permanent high.
“Ok, Ok! Let’s even forget BN’s point, you ladies have unrealistic expectations…”AK was saying before YO interrupted, “What about you guys – all you are looking for is perfection, finished product…” Oh my! AK and YO shouldn’t have gone there, everyone had a message to preach at this point – I checked the time, 10:20pm….BRING IT ON
To be continued tomorrow – why singles are staying single II
Please feel free to leave your opinions.