Why singles are staying single V


Apologies for not concluding the series earlier; it has been a very long weekend.

This is the continuation from The Unspoken Truth Series – Why singles are staying single IV. You will need to read I, II, III & IV to understand what you are about to read…Enjoy!

“It turned into a whole a debate, you should have been there.” I said to MT and AB… “In my own opinion, I think there are only two reasons apart from the spiritual aspects why singles are still saying single.” AB said…”Why?” MT and I asked at the same time.” You will have to pay me,” he said jokingly. We all laughed, he took a sip of his orange juice and continued, “You see, we all have a mental picture of the perfect person we want…”MT and I shook our head, urging him to go on. “And when someone comes along that does not fit the bill, we immediately discard the person.” “Hmmm” MT and I murmured, He continued, “and you know the dangerous thing guys?” “What?” we replied eagerly “Most of us don’t even know we have it.”

He turned to MT, “If we were both walking down the street and I say to you, “can you marry that guy?” your reaction will be an immediate NO because that mental picture of your “type” automatically comes into play.” “Hmmm” I thought. AB continued, what else will make you say NO to someone you don’t even know yet? Just because the picture you have of your perfect partner does not match what you are seeing…you get my drift?” I took a sip of my pineapple juice and said, “I will have to agree with you on that, it’s a typical ‘don’t judge a book by its cover’ scenario. It is an attraction thing and that is not a good indicator of knowing the right person, it should be based on concrete things like character. Don’t get me wrong, physical attraction plays an important role as well. MT had a point to make, “I know what you mean, when I was at university, the kind of guy I would want to associate with had to look a certain way, dress a certain way and act a certain way but all that does not matter anymore…I guess it all boils down to maturity.” AB interrupted, “that’s exactly where I am taking this debate to…Maturity.”

AB is in a relationship and a lot older than MT and I…Personally, I knew he was talking from experience. He continued, “You have to be mature spiritually and mentally to be in a relationship. Being in a relationship is like the Christian journey…”I knew where he was going with the topic I just had to interrupt, “It’s like dying to self daily.” “Exactly! You have to put each other first. It’s a two-way thing. That is why it is important to be in a relationship with someone that has the Holy Spirit. Very important! It takes a mature person to say, I am sorry even when he/she is not at fault just for the sake of peace in the relationship. You have to be willing to break down your ego and pride.”

If you remember, at the singles chat show VN said something relating to that. “Oh yeah!” I said, “What did she say?” MT asked. “She said, there are times when she gets into arguments with CH (her boyfriend) and maybe they don’t talk for days…after a while, CH calls her and says, “I am sorry, the Holy spirit said I was the one at fault this time.”” I replied MT. I continued, “The spirit telling you is one thing, obeying is another thing. I guess CH has gotten to that point where he knows that even has a guy, there are times he will need to do away with his ego and take responsibility whether he is at fault or not. As you said AB, just for the sake of peace and sanity in your relationship.”

“It is well.” MT said. “Yeah!” I replied

AB brought out his camera, “On a lighter note – can we cut the cake now?” Laughing out loudly, I said “Yes!”

There are many factors to why singles are still single. I spoke to one of my friends the other day and I asked her what she thought the reason was, she said it took a while to actually realise it wasn’t wrong to like a person. My dear friend thought it was un-Christianlike to be attracted to someone. I remember laughing and saying, “You are joking, right?” “I am serious, and every time that feeling came I sort of thought I was a bad person.” She said to me.

Now we know it isn’t just, because the guys are too timid to put their games on the line or the sisters don’t know how to receive a brother. However, everything we have discussed in part 1-5 all boils down to Maturity. Maturity in every sense – mentally and spiritually for both male and female. Do not get me wrong, I strongly agree with YK, LK and B about guys being too timid.

A quick word for the men – You have the Holy Spirit, you do not need alcohol to give you confidence. The spirit is in your life to produce the dominion and boldness of God in you so you can do things that are consistent with God’s will.

Now, I will be extremely foolish if I do not mention this, we know there are two realms – the spiritual and the physical. I said earlier, we should not lose wisdom by being too spiritual…allow me to also say, we should not be too wise and lose focus on the spiritual aspect. There should always be a balance. Most singles are still single because there are some things in you that need to die before God can hook you up with that lady/guy. It may be anger, attitude problem, pride and arrogance for others it may be impatience, unnecessary ego, envy, bad mouthing etc. In addition, there is also, what we call divine timing. Without saying too much about this – Watch out for an article called “Waiting to Exhale”

To everyone – Don’t look for perfection because frankly, we are all imperfect people. Don’t look for the right person. Be the right person.

A word for someone – Put your mind on your future rather than your past on your mind. God loves you too much; He won’t make you mess up.


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4 Responses to Why singles are staying single V

  1. Thank you for another interesting post Deola. As your friend said, maturity is important. With maturity comes wisdom and wisdom is essential for a long lasting and peaceful relationship.
    I took the liberty of posing your question of “Why singles are staying single” to a few of my friends. Many of them (they were all laides) said something like this: It’s hard enough meeting a suitable guy that you like. And when a suitable guy finally comes along and a relationship begins to develop, the guy suddenly loses interest once the girl says she doesn’t believe in sex before marriage. That leaves the girl with little choice but to end the relationship and remain single. It hurts too, especially if she really thought he was “the one”. Perhaps you can do another write-up on this topic? I’ll like to hear from a guy’s point of view.

  2. Great stuff Deola, why are you not writing for us????


  3. @ Favoured Girl….sorry, I havent replied your comment.This week has been hectic. hmmm! regarding the issue of the guys asking to have sex before marriage….I am worried about the fact that the “guy” loses interests when your friends say they dont believe in sex after marriage…are these guys saved? as per, are they born again? in this world we are living, it is quite hard to tell sheeps apart from wolves….i always say, the club has become empty and our pews are overflowing….Watch out for an article called Ladies, Guard your heart!

    Its better to be in a relationship with someone who believes what you believe..that is why the bible says do not be unequally yoked with an unbeliever…..because things like sex before marriage wouldnt be an issue at all……

    You said, “It hurts too, especially if she really thought he was ‘the one'”- She will be fine….HE heals the broken-hearted. She will rediscover her selfworth and realise she did the right thing by ending the relationship. Also maintaining her dignity in the process… whoever is not ready for prime time tv can take a walk. Next!

    @Kofo – Thanks! Whenever you are ready.

  4. MOD says:

    Hiya this is really great.I believe this will touch loads of people…like you rightly said,it’s all abt finding the right balance btw spirituality and the physical attraction and to do this,we all need the grace of God.
    I personally believe it’s quite important to be who you are in christ.cos even trying to fake up an accent or pretend to be what you’re not is not a good example of a cgristian walking in faith.There’s no point pretending it just isn’t right.
    anyways enuff said already.I really appreciate your column and i pray God keeps blessing you with wisdom and knowledge to reach out…

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