I heard about the Game recently. I know what some of you might be thinking…..the game? Exactly the same expression I had on when Dotun was advising me on how to keep my man when I eventually meet him. “You see Deola, you need to know about the rules of engagement AKA the game” Apparently when the game is being played, it is not to be played against each other, it is to be played to keep each other interested. The game is to be played at the initial stage of a relationship when boy meets girl or vice versa. What is wrong in me calling if I want to speak to him four times in a day? What is wrong if I pick his calls every time? Is there anything wrong in making time to go on dates with him? What is wrong if I make a quick trip abroad and I decide to buy him something? After all, he knew I travelled and it would be cruel of me not to at least buy a bottle of the latest fragrance. “Never, Never, Never!” Dotun screamed as though I had just failed the most important course in life. “Why would you want to do that? You are only pushing him away from you. Believe me, I am a man!” The look on my face was that of utter shock and perplexity. But I have a bottle of perfume in the car I intend to give Dare – a guy who I recently met. “Use it” he exclaimed. “Well, I can’t use it because it’s for men” rolling my eyes at him, why must I follow his silly rules anyways. I learnt a lot from Dotun that day and as the word says – “iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend”. To show my appreciation, I left the bottle of perfume on the dining table and a note saying “thank you”.
Question is; should we really be playing games at this age and stage of life? A colleague of mine was recently relating a story of how her sister met a guy a week ago and they had already gone on 3 dates and on the way to the 4th. The guys in the office busted out laughing and one of them asked, “Four dates in one week! Why is she making herself so readily available?” I dropped everything I was doing and listened rapidly – this was exactly what Dotun had earlier said to me. So these rules of engagement actually exist and people knew about them. Interestingly, I remember the book called The Rules written by two female authors who outlined rules women should follow if they wanted to keep their men. The book created a lot of buzz back then and got both the female and male populace angry because though the men believed women should conduct themselves the way The Rules suggested, they just didn’t like to know their women were following an instruction manual and the women on the other hand were intimidated and overwhelmed by their own inability to live up to what seemed to be difficult standards. Pheew!!
“Even though it’s what you feel, is it necessary to tell him that on the first date?”Great words by Oprah; I couldn’t agree with her more. Remember, the game is to keep both of you interested and wanting to see more of each other. As much as you would like to speak to him every second, control yourself please. Men like a bit of space, keeps the chase a tad adventurous. Allow him to discover you slowly. “What do I do then if I’m not talking to him? How do I know if he had lunch/breakfast?” Get a life! For goodness sake, why are you asking if he had breakfast or not? Let’s imagine you work in a corporate environment – would you leave your job, go home and cook for him? Obviously not! You are only asking because you want him to think you care. He hasn’t even asked you out, let alone marry you and you are acting like a Mother Hen. No! You don’t have to be all apologetic for missing his calls when you honestly were not available to answer it. If he really wants to talk to you, he would call back. Men are made to be hunters and not to be hunted down. It is their genetic disposition to chase you simply because it excites and gratifies them so in all your getting, please get wisdom.
And you know I can’t end this without drawing strength from the spiritual. Life and everything in it is spiritual. Whilst you are waiting for that guy to hunt you down, get busy with purpose. Don’t be idle, men like women who are doing something. They don’t need a burden or a liability. Discover your purpose and run with it. You’d be surprised at how quickly everything falls in place. So when next you feel the urge to be a bug a boo – remember the rules of engagement.