AA/AS/SS -The Genotype Question

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Coming soon

AA/AS/SS -The Genotype Question

What does this have to do with my relationship?

Does this affect my choice of partner?

I’m AS, she is AS…should I stay, should I go?

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Real life stories on this issue

Posted in Singles | 317 Comments

Waiting to Exhale?

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It is very easy to think maybe God has forgotten your case, are you one of those people thinking “God where is that dashing guy You promised me? How about the beautiful lady that can hit more than an octave high in the choir You spoke to me about? Why haven’t I seen the manifestations? Is this year going to pass by again without the fulfilment of Your promises? God is it?”

Can we put a lid on those thoughts for a second please? While you are deliberating in your hearts, murmuring with your mouth and trying to comprehend using carnal computations on why these promises aren’t fulfilled yet, has it for one tiny second flown through your mind that it’s really not about you?

I will take you into facets of why you are still waiting to exhale but first let’s look at the story of Hannah. The bible records in the book of Samuel that the Lord had shut up Hannah’s womb. “But why would God do that?” because Hannah had not realised it was not really about her. God had a plan for that child she wanted so badly. She had no idea she was carrying a prophet in her womb.  

“Verily, Verily, I say unto you. Except a corn of wheat fall into the ground and die, it abideth alone: but if it die, it bringeth forth much fruit.” John 12:24 

Oh my! It took Hannah a while to realise that her thoughts ((seed) – a seed is not necessarily money sown) had to die to her purpose to fulfil God’s purpose. When that revelation hit her, the bible says, “She vowed saying, O Lord of hosts, if You will indeed look on the affliction of Your handmaid and [earnestly] remember, and not forget Your handmaid but will give me a son, I will give him to the Lord all his life.”

 I’m sure God was like “Why did it take you so long to realise it was not all about you?” “Hannah became pregnant and in due time bore a son and named him Samuel [heard of God]. Because she said, I have asked him of the Lord.”  God has a plan for your marriage and there are some things in you that needs to die before His purpose can be accomplished. For some it may be anger, attitude problem, pride and arrogance for others it may be impatience, unnecessary ego, envy, bad mouthing etc. Search yourself and deal with your own stuff.

Have you actually sat down to check areas in your life that needs working on? God knows that attitude problem in you needs to go before He can hook you up with that lady else it will be a match made in hell. Do not be fooled sista girl into thinking because God said it, it will happen without you having to play your part. Deal with that pride! 

“When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.” James 4:3 

You may be waiting on God but God is also waiting for you to start asking things for the right reasons. Sincerely, look deep within you and ask why you really want that guy or that lady? Is it for your own selfish motives? If that is your intention then you had better renew your mind.

Back to the story of Hannah – Elkanah had two wives: Hannah and Peninnah. The bible records, because the Lord had given Hannah no children, it embarrassed and grieved her. Her rival, Peniannah who had children of her own provoked Hannah greatly to vex her because the Lord had left her childless. So year after year; whenever Hannah went up to the Lord’s house, Peninnah would provoke her until the point of tears and she would deliberately starve herself.

I can imagine the sort of prayers Hannah used to pray prior to the realisation that it wasn’t about her. “My lord, see how puffy my eyes are and see how many stones I have lost due to Peniannah’s teases because of my childlessness. Give me a child so I can show her.”

You see, Hannah had a promise as well that “None shall be barren” but she had to tie her desires to God’s purpose for her life and that of the unborn child before God could release her harvest. 

It may not even be about marriage alone and some may be asking, “Well I know its all about Him, I have dealt with my issues and I’m asking for the right reasons. Why haven’t I seen my promises yet?” My dear, it is yet for an appointed time, be rest assured that it will happen in the fullness of His time. Worship Him, rely on His faithfulness, get busy with purpose and most importantly exhale!

Posted in Singles | 9 Comments

Ladies, guard your heart!

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@Favoured Girl, I replied to your comment last week and told you to watch out for this article – Here it goes! 

It is a proven fact that the clubs are now empty and the pews are overflowing. I have heard it said times without number “Why pay £10-£15 to get into a club to meet girls, when you can see them in church free.” I don’t know about you, but this shows a great cause for alarm. Most of the times, ladies can’t tell the difference between a sheep and a wolf– Ouch! I can feel myself stepping on some toes here but hey! I am just saying it as it is. We allow ourselves to get intoxicated with all the smooth raps and lyrics loaded with promises of endless possibilities. Wake up and smell the coffee please!  It seems as though the minute we get saved – In comes the Holy Spirit and poof! out goes our sense of reasoning.

 It should not be that way, infact we should be wiser.  The heart is very fragile and should be guarded jealously because out of it comes the issues of life. Unfortunately, there are so many broken hearted ladies out there and in the church because they have entrusted others with the job of taking care it. Now, let’s go through some steps, which will help keep your heart from shattering every now and then. That is if you follow them of course, so please stay with me.  

Perception: Remember in the book of Numbers when the Lord told Moses to send some Israelites men to explore the land of Canaan, which He wanted to give them. They came back and said We went to the land to which you sent us and, oh! It does flow with milk and honey! Just look at this fruit! The only thing is that the people who live there are fierce, their cities are huge and well fortified. We cannot attack those people; they are much stronger than we are. Alongside them, we felt like grasshoppers. And they looked down on us as if we were grasshoppers.”

Guarding your heart is all about perception! Ladies, this is very important, if this is all you read. Read it and read it well. How do you see yourself? If you were to place a value on your self, how much will you set as the price? How much is your heart worth to you anyway? Do you see yourself as a grasshopper? Because from the above reading, it is quite evident that people will only see you the way you see yourself. Girlfriend, you are a priceless jewel so get yourself off the discount shelf please! 

Emotional Ties/Friendlationship:  There are so many ladies in undefined relationship with men. They have a name for it now; ‘friendlationship’ – Friendship with benefits of a relationship. Being in this spot can be detrimental to a woman’s self-image especially when it has been going on for a long time. Undefined relationship eventually ends up with one person tied emotionally to the other.

There is the tendency to believe that intimacy comes after sex, I beg to differ on this notion. Real intimacy starts when you start sharing deep personal stuff with someone. In chronic cases of friendlationship – people assume they are dating or probably on the way to the altar but the guy aint saying nada! In addition, when the lady asks, “So what’s up between us?” He mutters something of this sort “Well, what do you think?” All his words are indicating something is up but his actions are saying otherwise.

If you have to do guesswork in your relationship, you are on the wrong ship. Assumptions always look like the truth and most of the time, not the truth. No woman should go through the stress of having to guess where she stands in a relationship. No chemistry in the world is worth that trouble. None!

Someone called B left this comment on the site last week – We also have the category of the Christian brothers (a really worrying one) that have gotten very comfortable with being fine, cool, single and surrounded by girls. These guys become serial friends, make friends with many girls, and yet will not date any. May be, they get emotional thrills from many girls fancying them and telling them about how cool they are – I do not know.”

My dears, you do not want to be one of the ladies in the position B described. If the guy is not ready for prime time television, you take a stand and let him take a walk. The flip side of this – you are setting yourself up for a major heartbreak – Watch out for an article called “I need a man that can handle my favor”. Girlfriends, you are all that and a bag of chips – Let no one tell you any different. Guard your heart! 

Posted in Singles | 18 Comments

Why singles are staying single V

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Apologies for not concluding the series earlier; it has been a very long weekend.

This is the continuation from The Unspoken Truth Series – Why singles are staying single IV. You will need to read I, II, III & IV to understand what you are about to read…Enjoy!

“It turned into a whole a debate, you should have been there.” I said to MT and AB… “In my own opinion, I think there are only two reasons apart from the spiritual aspects why singles are still saying single.” AB said…”Why?” MT and I asked at the same time.” You will have to pay me,” he said jokingly. We all laughed, he took a sip of his orange juice and continued, “You see, we all have a mental picture of the perfect person we want…”MT and I shook our head, urging him to go on. “And when someone comes along that does not fit the bill, we immediately discard the person.” “Hmmm” MT and I murmured, He continued, “and you know the dangerous thing guys?” “What?” we replied eagerly “Most of us don’t even know we have it.”

He turned to MT, “If we were both walking down the street and I say to you, “can you marry that guy?” your reaction will be an immediate NO because that mental picture of your “type” automatically comes into play.” “Hmmm” I thought. AB continued, what else will make you say NO to someone you don’t even know yet? Just because the picture you have of your perfect partner does not match what you are seeing…you get my drift?” I took a sip of my pineapple juice and said, “I will have to agree with you on that, it’s a typical ‘don’t judge a book by its cover’ scenario. It is an attraction thing and that is not a good indicator of knowing the right person, it should be based on concrete things like character. Don’t get me wrong, physical attraction plays an important role as well. MT had a point to make, “I know what you mean, when I was at university, the kind of guy I would want to associate with had to look a certain way, dress a certain way and act a certain way but all that does not matter anymore…I guess it all boils down to maturity.” AB interrupted, “that’s exactly where I am taking this debate to…Maturity.”

AB is in a relationship and a lot older than MT and I…Personally, I knew he was talking from experience. He continued, “You have to be mature spiritually and mentally to be in a relationship. Being in a relationship is like the Christian journey…”I knew where he was going with the topic I just had to interrupt, “It’s like dying to self daily.” “Exactly! You have to put each other first. It’s a two-way thing. That is why it is important to be in a relationship with someone that has the Holy Spirit. Very important! It takes a mature person to say, I am sorry even when he/she is not at fault just for the sake of peace in the relationship. You have to be willing to break down your ego and pride.”

If you remember, at the singles chat show VN said something relating to that. “Oh yeah!” I said, “What did she say?” MT asked. “She said, there are times when she gets into arguments with CH (her boyfriend) and maybe they don’t talk for days…after a while, CH calls her and says, “I am sorry, the Holy spirit said I was the one at fault this time.”” I replied MT. I continued, “The spirit telling you is one thing, obeying is another thing. I guess CH has gotten to that point where he knows that even has a guy, there are times he will need to do away with his ego and take responsibility whether he is at fault or not. As you said AB, just for the sake of peace and sanity in your relationship.”

“It is well.” MT said. “Yeah!” I replied

AB brought out his camera, “On a lighter note – can we cut the cake now?” Laughing out loudly, I said “Yes!”

There are many factors to why singles are still single. I spoke to one of my friends the other day and I asked her what she thought the reason was, she said it took a while to actually realise it wasn’t wrong to like a person. My dear friend thought it was un-Christianlike to be attracted to someone. I remember laughing and saying, “You are joking, right?” “I am serious, and every time that feeling came I sort of thought I was a bad person.” She said to me.

Now we know it isn’t just, because the guys are too timid to put their games on the line or the sisters don’t know how to receive a brother. However, everything we have discussed in part 1-5 all boils down to Maturity. Maturity in every sense – mentally and spiritually for both male and female. Do not get me wrong, I strongly agree with YK, LK and B about guys being too timid.

A quick word for the men – You have the Holy Spirit, you do not need alcohol to give you confidence. The spirit is in your life to produce the dominion and boldness of God in you so you can do things that are consistent with God’s will.

Now, I will be extremely foolish if I do not mention this, we know there are two realms – the spiritual and the physical. I said earlier, we should not lose wisdom by being too spiritual…allow me to also say, we should not be too wise and lose focus on the spiritual aspect. There should always be a balance. Most singles are still single because there are some things in you that need to die before God can hook you up with that lady/guy. It may be anger, attitude problem, pride and arrogance for others it may be impatience, unnecessary ego, envy, bad mouthing etc. In addition, there is also, what we call divine timing. Without saying too much about this – Watch out for an article called “Waiting to Exhale”

To everyone – Don’t look for perfection because frankly, we are all imperfect people. Don’t look for the right person. Be the right person.

A word for someone – Put your mind on your future rather than your past on your mind. God loves you too much; He won’t make you mess up.

 

Posted in Singles, The Unspoken Truth Series | 4 Comments

Why singles are staying single IV

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This is the continuation from The Unspoken Truth Series – Why singles are staying single II. You will need to read I & II to understand what you are about to read…Enjoy!

“Five minutes and I’m out of here,” I said out loudly. I knew if I was to start this conversation with AO, I would not make the 11 o clock deadline. We had a single’s chat show in church on Saturday and during the discussion, Minister F pointed out something I thought was very important. We were all there except for AO of course who had missed it. “I think it’s actually part of the reason why some singles are still single.” YO said, leaving the room to pick up her phone. “True” everyone murmured.

“Guys, what did he say?” AO asked again, this time a bit frustrated. I stood up, picked my bag…If I was to give him the gist, I’d prefer to do it in a mode that says –I’m on my way out, after this. “Minister F mentioned the fact that some people, especially ladies are just too fake, pretending to be what they are not…” It was obvious AO agreed on what I had just said and wanted to comment…I wasn’t going to give him the chance…I do that and I will be there for the next 2 hrs celebrating my birthday with a debate on why singles are still single. No way!

 I continued, “He said, he knows most of the singles and that he’s seen different sides to them outside the church. He hit the nail on the head when he said and I quote, “When you pretend to be who you are not, maybe the guy that is watching you is interested in your real character and not the one you are pretending to be….” He went on to give, examples like people speaking with unnecessary accents…AK interrupted, “And maybe the guy is in love with your African accent and you speaking the Queen’s English totally intimidates the poor brother.” BN, AO and I laughed. I continued, “Minister F said we should let hair down (not literally) and have fun, go out because that was how it was back in their days…” I concluded. “Men, Minister F doesn’t beat around the bush…” AK was saying before YO walked in to interrupt him, “At all and….”I immediately cut YO off, I could feel it coming, another debate…Knowing my CARE members toooo well, we could discuss till daybreak. In the corner of my eyes, I saw BN who was ready to leave previously, getting comfortable again on the sofa.

“Aiight, girls and guys I have to go…I need to make it home in time to pray…”I said “True, its getting late….”AK said. “Let’s go Deola…,”BN said, standing up from the sofa. Bye Deola, have a wonderful day tomorrow, Happy birthday….we will call you later…” they all chorused….”Thank you, I’ll write an article about what we’ve discussed…I really do think, the whole world needs to hear this…” I said leaving the room and walking towards the door. “You should…” they replied and with that BN and I dashed out of the house.

I got home for 11:03pm and dashed straight into my room to pray. You should have seen the look on my sister’s face who was clueless to how I had brushed past her without saying a word dropping my bag and what not in the passage. Lol!  I later explained my reasons though…

The next day was my birthday. It was going to be a quiet one but my colleagues in the office thought otherwise. They decided, we needed to celebrate – Thai food and the works! And guess what? I sort of mentioned what happened the night before and we started a whole new discussion, still on “Why singles are staying single” but this time it was a different. I was getting tips from the other end of the stick…A mature single who is already courting…the hurdles he had to overcome…Right there, in the middle of lunch, the black notepad and pen had to come out.

“Sorry AB, you were saying…”

I hope you have enjoyed the story. It is actually a true one; I wasn’t so sure how to pass the message across so I decided to write it just the way it happened. I am amazed at the increasing number of people that have read the series and for all those who have send emails and text messages…thank you! It is a learning curve for us all; I have also learnt many things in the process. Thank you YK, LK, B, Adebola and God’s leading lady for those comments.

Log back in during the week when I’ll be sharing what I learnt from AB, one-to-one discussion with friends and also my opinion on the whole debate.

Watch this space – Why singles are staying single V

Just to add, I would suggest everyone read the comments under Why singles are staying single III. LK, B, Adebola and God’s leading Lady left some fantastic points on there.

Posted in Singles, The Unspoken Truth Series | 5 Comments

Why singles are staying single III

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You have to read Why singles are staying single I & II to understand what you are about to read. I decided to do something a bit different today, YK left this comment on the site yesterday and I believe everyone should read it. I asked his permission before posting it up. Enjoy!

Deola,

As usual, no comment is left out of your stories! You know I will still have a thing or two to say:

1. I agree with BN – Our (guys) games are not tight! We have lost the killer instincts. We’ve gone too cold! Too scared to put our games and reps on the line! Too timid to toast and we find ourselves queuing up for the same Certified babe! When the list of babes is endless…c’mon guys, let’s be real men!

2. As for Babes, there are not many true wives in church these days. A lot of babes (in my little experience) don’t know what it takes to win a guy’s heart! I tell you, that’s where the challenge lies for the sisters. Some are fortunate to have suitors but just take the opportunities for granted! They seem to think they’ve got nothing to do but just sit tight and prince charming will just turn up and sweep them off their feet….girlfriend, if you want something good, you’ve got to get up from your backside, pray and let the spirit teach you how to receive a brother! Ladies need to learn to respect the brothers (Sounds so old school but I don’t think there’s a true Christian brother out there who will not consider a lady that truly respects him – now talk about Strategic positioning). I recently almost fell prey to that until God nudged me to back off that the sister wasn’t mine….

3. Vision, vision, vision….it stinks! I say again, it stinks! AO read my mind; I think the Christian of today needs to be tactful in digesting the messages from the pulpit. No disrespect to anyone but I think a lot of people just listen an obey like robots and don’t bother to check with God how it applies to their individual lives and realities. The word echoing in my mind right now is “FAITH”, many guys and girls these days want to see the TANGIBLE goods before considering a suitor, particularly the ladies….. I tell you its so annoying, reminds me of UNI days! The common line – “What do you drive? Is now repackaged to “What’s your vision”…don’t get me started on this vision issue!

4. OK don’t want to sound like a chauvinist so I’ll diss my brothers again…you don’t need a job, car or business to step up! We need our positions as leaders of the pack back. I know today’s society has empowered the women (its a good thing) but if you are sure of who you are in Christ, no woman, I repeat, no woman will intimidate you. Also, we guys need to compliment the ladies, not put them down.

There are a lot of insecure ladies out there so we have to be mindful of that….take care of them, affirm them, be there for them…remember, its a curse from God to women that says: “A woman’s desire will be for her husband” So hold on tight to this…every good woman desires a good man so no matter how TOUGH she claims to be, there’s still that desire inside of her, so GO and break that barrier covering the jewel in her!

Finally, I’ll be fake if I said I wasn’t guilty of some, if not all of the above but after all said, there’s only 1 question I have that is yet to be answered:

“Why are there better behaved ladies in town than in church???!

I rest my case! 

Please feel free to leave your comments/questions.

Log back in tomorrow for the continuation of the series.

Posted in Singles, The Unspoken Truth Series | 14 Comments

Why singles are staying single II

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This is the continuation from The Unspoken Truth Series – Why singles are staying single I. You will need to read the first part to fully understand what you are about to read…Enjoy!

 I still had about 30 mins left, it had turned to the battle of the sexes…AO managed to speak inspite of the opposition he was getting from YO, who thought the guys were equally worse than the girls in the area of expectations. AO continued, “Listen, wait! What do you expect a guy to do when everything you girls talk about is vision, vision…For example, a guy can be serious about getting into a relationship and probably haven’t identified his vision yet, that should not disqualify him. And maybe part of the reason why these guys (he said ‘these guys’ because he is already in a relationship, so as far as he is concerned, he is out of the single’s market) are afraid to approach a lady is probably because they are frightened of the unrealistic questions they may have to endure just in the process of trying to get to know a babe….” BN and I just had to laugh at this point…you should have seen the look on AO’s face; it was obvious he was passionate about what he was saying… 

YO just had to interrupt, “But…” AO in his usual manner was not going to back down until he had finished making his point, ignoring YO, he continued “Can you imagine? Just trying to get to know you and already asking about my vision. You don’t even know what my intentions are yet.” AO said with disgust. This was my cue, I just had to agree with the guys at this point “I understand where you are coming from AO, some ladies have just gotten this whole vision thing upside down to the extent that it has become part of their requirements even before knowing who the person really is…I wonder, what ever happened to love? No one speaks about that anymore. I can’t remember the last time I heard that word.” Everyone nodded as a seal of approval to what I had just said. “Misplaced priorities” BN added 

“Can I talk now?” YO was asking…I checked my time, still had about 20 minutes left…”My point is, the reason why singles are not hooking up is because the men are looking for finished product, you don’t want to work for anything. Once you start liking a girl and maybe she does something wrong to offend you or messes up once or twice, you immediately give up and conclude she is not your type…” Words were about to fly from everyone’s mouth, because YO just made a valid point, it was obvious AO wanted to argue against…YO, wasn’t going to allow him until she was rest assured her point had been made, “Wait, wait! Let me finish talking, I don’t want anyone to cut me off…”“How I wish RM, KL & CH were around.” I whispered to AK excitedly. RM had travelled out of the country, KL and CH could not make CARE that night because they had other things to do. Trust me, if those guys had been there…we would have all gone home without our voices – they could argue till kingdom come and whatever you do, you really don’t want RM and AO in the same room.  

I had gone to pick up my phone at this point and missed out on what YO was saying, I really wanted to give my opinion on what she said earlier but AK was the one talking when I walked in. He was saying, “Some girls are just to materialistic…its as though they have a check list and once the guy does not meet their requirement he is disqualified. For some babes, you have to be driving a car and not just any car; you have to be working in one big company…” I immediately cut in, “I still want to believe girls like that don’t exist. I mean, what is the point of all that? So what happens if God forbid, the guy loses his job or breaks his leg and can’t drive anymore…” BN and YO chuckled…I continued, “But it’s true now…I think that is so petty.” AK continued, “That is why you see some guys working endlessly so they can at least gather all – like buy a house, get a car, get a good job e.t.c before they can have the liver to approach a 21st century babe.

I replied, “I think that is stupid though – don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with doing well for yourself but when that becomes top priority of what you are looking for in a spouse…then, I really don’t know what to say…as for the guys that are trying to gather all before they can approach a lady – how can they tell if the lady sincerely loves them then? More so, the bible says, “He that finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favour from the Lord.” I had to explain further, I am already a wife, a guy putting a ring on my finger does not make me a wife…if it were so, the bible would have said, “He that finds a woman” but it says, “He that finds a wife…” and for some guys, it is until they have found that wife that they will start receiving that favour or like AK put it, they will start gathering all. Because that good ‘thing’ will stand in prayers for her man. Anyway, that’s for another day… 

“Guys I so agree to what Minister F said on Saturday.” YO said….”Yes, he was so right” I replied, “He was on point, he hit the hammer on it” BN added. AO seemed lost, “What did he say?” he asked. I checked my time…still had about 5 minutes to spare, I decided to let AO in on the gist…. 

To be continued…..

Feel free to leave your questions/comments

Posted in Singles, The Unspoken Truth Series | 2 Comments

The Unspoken Truth Series- Why singles are staying single I

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I am going to share my experiences with you over the next couple of days about various people’s opinion on this issue. I will give my opinion at the end of the series. Enjoy!

I was over at a friend’s house last week with a couple of other friends – we were like 7 in total, male and female. I always say, you can not have singles together in a place without discussing about ‘relationship talks’ – It is almost impossible. One way or the other, it just has to happen. Like this particular day, it wasn’t planned; we had just finished our normal home fellowship (we call it CARE) and decided to hang around for dinner. The plan was to leave there at 9:30 so I could go home early (I say this, because we never leave CARE until around 11:45pm…since, we all live close to one another), relax, pray from 11pm-12am to thank God for the following day – which was going to be my birthday. My, oh my! Did BN (For discretion sake, I am not going to use anyone’s real name) have to bring it up? Did she really have to start this tonight? I could hear her from the kitchen, “So what do you think the problem is? Why do you think singles are not hooking up?” she was asking AK.  

Every bone in my body was screaming for release as I fastened my butts to the chair, “Deola, don’t even go there, you have to be home early to pray and pick up calls from family & friends who would want to wish you happy birthday.” I tried; I really did try 🙂…..I cant remember how my body got to the kitchen BUT I gave myself an ultimatum – whatever you do, make sure you are home for 11pm. It’s about 10 minutes drive from my house to theirs and getting home for the planned time would not be a problem. “Well I think because you ladies are focusing too much on vision….”AK was saying. It just had to happen, for those of you that know me, that black notepad in my bag had to come out. Question and answer time! I really wanted to know as well. “Why on earth do we have so many singles in the church and no one is hooking up with one another? Are people’s expectations too high?”  

Oh! You should have been there, BN’s neck had gone to overdrive – “Listen to me, guys listen!” BN was trying to get everyone’s attention because we all had our own opinion and all wanted to be heard, “Guys, guys” she shouted –”Don’t get me wrong, I am already in a relationship but my dilemma for the single ladies is this – I have been in the church (she was not talking about a particular church – what she meant was, since she became saved) for 4 years now and not one guy has come up to talk to me (she used the word ‘toast’ actually). What is happening to the guys in church?” she asked.  Immediately she said that, all the ladies there including me, sat up straight and thought “Oh my God! That is so true. This was something we were not aware of until our attention was brought to it” BN continued- “It will be a different matter, if I’m ugly. I am not and so is every other lady in church, the guys have simply lost their game.” Oh! FL continued from where BN stopped, “I was in church for 6yrs and my husband was the only guy that approached me.” FL got married like 2 yrs ago. I am not the one to talk much when singles are discussing – I listen, digest and take notes. I couldn’t help but agree with BN and FL. YO also agreed as we were the only females there. YO had some points to make as well, but I’ll mention them in series II. 

At this point, the guys were laughing, “What do you have to say to that?” I asked them, BN interrupted, “Let’s stop scratching the surface and get down to the nitty gritty (BN was quite passionate about the issue, I must admit) – Do you blame a babe when she starts acting all weird when a guy is trying to chat her up? A babe hasn’t been approached for years and then maybe one guy in church finally finds the courage to talk to her and then she starts messing up. The girl is not to be blamed for not knowing how to respond because the familiar has become the unfamiliar.” At this point, we all busted out laughing including the guys. BN was right. Even the guys had to admit to the fact that it was easier for them to approach ladies when they were in the world.  

I checked my time, it was 10pm…There was still time. I had to say something, “But you know, there are many factors to why singles are still single but I got a different insight tonight. Although I was laughing my head off, BN is so right…and the funny thing is I didn’t realise until she mentioned that fact.” Everyone had something to say at this point, it was now an issue of screaming on top of your lungs to be heard, that was not going to be a problem, I needed to make my point. I continued, “And until men decide to become men, this can really be a major problem. Let’s not lose wisdom by being too spiritual. God will not come down and help you approach a lady. I know, it may have been easier when you were in the world – maybe the influence of alcohol, as AO mentioned gave you a bit of confidence but now we have the Holy Spirit, infact that should put you on a permanent high.  

“Ok, Ok! Let’s even forget BN’s point, you ladies have unrealistic expectations…”AK was saying before YO interrupted, “What about you guys – all you are looking for is perfection, finished product…” Oh my! AK and YO shouldn’t have gone there, everyone had a message to preach at this point – I checked the time, 10:20pm….BRING IT ON 

To be continued tomorrow – why singles are staying single II 

Please feel free to leave your opinions.

Posted in Singles, The Unspoken Truth Series | 13 Comments

I am single: Get me out of here!!

arpk78.jpgEver wondered why they are so many single guys and ladies in the church?

Do they have unrealistic expectations?

Is there really a lack of the opposite sex?

Are they TOOO comfortable with being single?

Have the men simply lost thier game? Or

Are the ladies looking for ready made guys?

I decided to ask single guys and ladies of all sizes, shapes, colors and ages why they are still single – A choice? or a force to reckon with?

Also, tips from singles who are already courting- The hurdles they had to overcome.

You dont want to miss this!! Join me here next week as I share with you THE UNSPOKEN TRUTH.

Watch this space!!!!!!

 

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How far can we go?

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On the last post – “How far is too far?” I promise to give answers to some of the pressing questions we ask in singles gatherings. I say ‘we’ because I want to know as well. As I said last week, It is almost impossible for you not to hear the above question in any singles’ gathering. This could mean different things to different people but in singles’ language, it means, “Where can I draw the borderline in staying sexually pure in my relationship, can I at least kiss?” 

I wrote an article about this same topic some months ago, most of you have probably seen it and in there I took out almost a page explaining the fear I had before putting the article down and how the holyspirit convicted me – “fear of what?” you might ask. Fear of becoming a hypocite. It will be easy for me to say premarital kissing is wrong because I am not dating as at yet, but what happens when someone I’m attracted to comes along? What happens when reality sets in? What happens if I try to resist it mentally and my flesh overpowers my will to do what is right? Will I still be preaching the same thing? I am being real!

I remember having a conversation with a friend after the publication of the article and he said to me, “Nice article, but you know you didn’t really give your opinion as to whether it was wrong or right. You sort of gave your point and left a disclaimer on it.” and I remembered we both laugh. I said to him, “Men – I’m still struggling to come to terms with that fact but I had to obey the Holyspirit because that was the message I was given to write about in that month. Who knows maybe someone needed to know at that time.” 

 I left a disclaimer on the article because I hadnt really gotten convicted. Well, at the time of the article, I thought I had but I realised recently I wasn’t. I am being honest! You see, it’s not so much the kissing that is wrong but the fact that it leads to other things (we will talk a little bit about this later). The truth is we know as christains, it is wrong but we are too weak to admit the truth and thereby satisfying  our fleshly desires.  Yes! You cant find anywhere in the bible, where it says you shouldn’t kiss. True, I agree with you 100% on that but there is also no scripture saying it is wrong to dump your bin in your neigbour’s car. You simply don’t do it because you know it is not right. You see, as believers we are meant to be different from the rest of the world.

The church is meant to create a standard that the world will follow. When I say church, some people are probably thinking about their various churches. You are the church, a church is not a building. Some people may never step into the fall walls of a church but you might be the only church they know – what message is your life preaching to them? While the scriptures might not explictely say ‘Do not kiss passionately’ but we know it says whoever looks on a woman to lust after her has commited adultery in his heart already, how much more when you now go beyond looking and start kissing.  Hmmm…..are you getting my drift now? 

I am assuming we all know the kind of kiss I’m talking about – It’s not the one you give your mum and dad.  I’m talking about the kind of kiss that exists between a man and his wife, uhn hun! – The passionate, intimate kind of kiss. It is ignorant to think you can tell if you love a person from their kiss or not because in the first instance that is not what love is about. I am sorry, but whoever says that has a distorted view of what love is and how it should be expressed.

When you love and are attracted to someone, there is a tendency to want to express your FEELINGS PHYSICALLY and this is normal because we are created as sexual beings. But the bible tells us to learn to control our body. You can’t just say ok, I will read this article and stop kissing. No! It doesn’t work that way. You might abstain from it for a month even a year but will go back to it again unless you are grounded in the word. The reason why we dont get convicted is because we do not have enough word in us. Its not about head knowledge…it’s about knowing it in your heart. Don’t worry, I’m speaking to myself as well. 

Passionate kissing is sexual in nature. That is why I said earlier; it’s not so much the kissing that is wrong but what comes with it – touching and the whole shenanigan.  When you kiss, your body desires to do something more and wants to take things to the next level. Besides your hands are not exactly hanging in the air during this activity. Is it?  🙂 And I don’t think that is exactly glorifying God. Or what do you think?

But how do I fight this temptation? I do not understand why God would allow such feelings if I am not permitted to satisfy them outside the boundaries of marriage? First, I will like to say you are not alone on this because “No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you may be able to bear it.” This temptation is common to man as the scripture says, so no one is exempt. In addition, if the temptation comes that means you can handle it because He is faithful not to tempt you beyond what you cannot bear. You see, in times like this, no amount of tonguing (speaking in tongues) will solve the problem; the best thing to do is FLEE as the Bible warns. “Let him who thinks he stands take heed lest he falls.

“So how far can we go?” Scott Croft in his article, ‘Bible dating’ explained the fact that, “How far can we go?” is really the wrong question if you want to positively pursue godliness, what that question really asks is “How close to the line (sexual sin) can I get without crossing it?” The problem is that Scripture explicitly tells us not to try to “approach” the line at all, but to turn and run from it. (1st Corinthians 6:18)  

Posted in Singles | 14 Comments